a need for someone to comfort me

it's been weeks... i still feel the same.... how can i put all of my feelings in words!

i envy those families that have understanding parents... how i wish i have them also...

here's the story... ever since i got here it's been so chaotic... sometimes i imagine myself in a beach, walking along the shore all by myself. that's the kind of life i want to have, a calm and peaceful life... or sometimes i wish i can fulfill my dreams without people telling me what to do and what not to do. it's been a battle for me, to try and understand their childishness but sometimes i feel i can't take it anymore. they want this, they want that... don't i get to decide what i want for myself? i've been living 21 years trying to please them, but i feel whatever i do makes them disappointed with me... it's really really hard trying to please them and at the same time trying to please myself.

here's another story... i can't stand watching their dramas anymore! they fight, and cry, and fight, and cry, its just too much for me already! they fight because one of them doesn't have the heart to understand the other, they keep fighting because of pride! one of them is not happy and contented with the little things given to hhim/her. they still ask for more! he/she wants to do everything according to what he/she wants! really! it gets on my nerve to see this situation. situations like this can be avoided by trying to sit and talk, one wants to talk, the other avoids talking, what the fuck is that!!!!!!

another thing is the endless nagging and complaining! i tell you... if you live in our house you will need an earphone all day everyday! what's even worse is she acts the opposite when infront of people and tries to narrate stories that would crush us, coz those stories were suppose to be for "close family relatives" those knows us better and would just laugh at our mistakes and won't hold it against us!

i'm venting this all out here coz i realized it's the only place i can be right now and it's the only company i have. coz my boyfriend at the moment is nowhere to be found... he's just not so into our relationship anymore and that's another chapter of my story... it's so frustrating to have a boyfriend who doesn't act like one... im no two timer, when i fall inlove i really do, this time i guess it's time to let go coz i feel like im the one doing all the work for this relationship to last! i've been trying to understand everything that time came i couldn't understand everybody anymore coz i feel i couldn't even uderstand myself anymore!

it's time to get connected with myself again and follow my feelings... its time to listen to my inner self and understand what im going through and maybe from there i can start all over again.

thanks for being here...
i will be seeing you again...
and i'll keep writing my day to day stories...
mwahz!